scarred
by tatty ted
Summary: Matilda Jones knew that starting at Waterloo Road Comprehensive wouldn't be easy but she didn't expect it to be this difficult. When she meets the mysterious Poppy Lawson on board the train, what secrets about Matilda's life come to light? - —OC. 1/4.
1. i

**scarred**

No matter how skinny I was, when I looked in the mirror at my reflection, all I saw was a girl that was overweight. I had starved myself for three months according to my calendar and no matter how little I ate; I still believed I was putting "too" many calories into my body.

Truthfully, I was underweight. I was far too skinny for my height. My body was turning to my muscle and my fat to get the energy it desperately needed and I was putting a huge strain on my heart. My potassium levels were dangerously low and although I knew I could die, the thought of eating was more terrifying then the prospect of dying.

_& that's when I knew what I was going to do._

Running the bath that evening, I locked the bathroom door and sat at the side of the bath. I dipped my hand in the water to test it was okay and once the water was cool enough, I took off my clothes and got into the bath. Sitting down, my hazel eyes stared at the wall and I sighed before turning my attention to the blade I had laid out earlier.

Picking it up I held it to my wrist and pressed it onto my skin. Furiously cutting the skin releasing my tension and anger, the moment I felt the wetness of the blood rolling down my arm and that the wound was deep enough, I began to cut the other wrist.

_Waiting to die was slow and exhausting._

Watching the bath water turn a bloodied red colour was somewhat calming as weird as that may sound. All I had to do now was wait. Staring at the ceiling I began to feel the tiredness creep enough me and I knew the time was drawing nearer. As my eyes closed, the last thing I heard were my parent's terrified screams as they saw me, near death in the bathtub.

I didn't die that day. I was saved but only just. Two seconds later and I wouldn't be telling you the story. I was given a blood transfusion as I lost quite a lot of blood, diagnosed as been anorexic and because of my suicide attempt and my eating disorder; I was admitted to a physiatric ward.

Exactly a year since my suicide attempt my family decided to move and I ended up enrolling here, at Waterloo Road. Now all I had to do was keep my past a secret and convince my parents I was normal, but in a place like this, shit always happens.

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**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	2. ii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 2:15pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter two;**

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My parents claimed that been here, my life would be different but were they doing it for me or them? Could they no longer deal with the fact their daughter was broken beyond repair, a lost soul and simply not a psycho. Either way, I knew the move was for them. They couldn't care less about me.

The grounds were empty; I was early and certainly not eager to start. I pulled down my skirt a little before I seated myself on the concrete steps leading up to the entrance and waited for the rest of the pupils to arrive. Sitting in silence, I thought about being here, what if nobody liked me?

Unfortunately it was something I had to live with. If nobody liked me, nobody liked me. I couldn't exactly runaway could I? I was sat there for ages, maybe I wasn't but it certainly felt it and I took my mobile phone from my pocket, about to send a text to my friend when I heard somebody begin to speak to me.

I looked up, my large hazel eyes falling upon the figure that stood before me.

"Hey." I spoke; a little unsure to whom the adult was infront of me.

"You're early aren't you?" She questioned as I moved my eyes back to the ground yet I could still feel her eyes on me.

In response to her question, I simply shrugged.

"Are you new? I don't recognise you?"

I didn't speak for a moment; I simply looked at the woman again before I nodded slowly, "Yes." I swallowed, "Yes I'm new."

She smiled warmly and I smiled back politely. It was only then, finally, that she introduced herself to me.

"I'm Mrs Fisher, your head teacher."

I smiled a little before I replied, "Matilda...nice to meet you Miss."

"You two." She spoke before she looked at me once again, "Follow me and I'll show you around."

Still with my phone in my hand I was about to put it in my pocket before she told me that it should be switched off at all times. I nodded, turned off my phone and put it back in my pocket before standing up. Least I didn't have to worry about getting piles on the cold floor. Maybe I might enjoy been here at Waterloo Road after all. But I doubt it..

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**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	3. iii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 2:21pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter three;**

.

As she showed me around the school, Mrs Fisher asked me a lot of questions regarding my previous school. I answered truthfully except there were a couple of questions I couldn't tell the truth on, for example, the reason why I left my previous school.

I told a lie and said it was because my parents had moved to Rochdale and I had no choice but to follow them. I couldn't say it was because I tried to kill myself could I? I just hope my parents back up my story otherwise I'll be in the shit.

As we walked towards her office, she asked what GCSE's I was currently taking and for a second I shrugged. I had completely forgotten and after a couple of seconds of awkward silence, I smiled and told her, "The compulsory subjects of course and then for my options I took Art Textiles, Art and Design, Spanish and Law."

I smiled softly as I waited for her to comment. I wasn't a geek when it came to my school work but I'll admit I am academically bright.

"What grades are you predicated?"

She asked me and I smiled softly before replying, "Oh just straight A's."

She took a note of what I was saying and smiled warmly. I think she may have been impressed by my academic record. We stayed in complete silence until she asked if I knew what I wanted to do in year twelve.

Once again I nodded my head and told her I was thinking about studying Law as I'd love to be a lawyer or something along those lines. She didn't say anything to that, she just stood up and went to the door.

"Can you wait here for a minute while I get your timetable sorted?"

Nodding slowly I smiled warmly and once I heard the door shut behind me, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. I'd just passed my first test at Waterloo Road, meeting the _demon_ head teacher and I was pleased. She wasn't too bad.

She seemed nice, as though she cared about her pupils. You don't often find head teachers like that. I was still sat in the chair when I heard the door open and I turned to look at whoever was there. It was then when my eyes fell upon someone from my past.

"Matilda? What are you doing here?"

I smiled. Maybe the past wasn't so bad after all.

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**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	4. iv

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 2:26pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter four;**

.

You see that person I was secretly pleased to see was Miss Campbell or rather Kim, as I knew her. I bet you're wondering how I knew her don't you. Well, she was a client of my parents about eight years ago. Yeah, my parents are lawyers, "What are you doing here?"

She asked me as I smiled a little. I knew feeding the same story of bullshit I had fed Mrs Fisher was going to be a lot harder seeing as Kim knew my parents. Knew how . . what's the word? How educational they were and I sighed, trying to give myself time to think of something.

"Oh, mum and dad divorced."

I spoke softly. That wasn't a lie, they did divorce. After my suicide attempt they realised they had been spending so much time wrapped up in their problematic marriage that they knew - faced - that their marriage was never going to be the same again.

Mum got quite a bit of money of my father during the divorce. I'm not going to go into it but let's just say the final sum was a four figure salary. It was for me apparently, funny how I haven't seen any of that money.

"I'm sorry."

Kim said sympathetically and I shrugged. There was no need to apologise, it's not like she told them to divorce was it? Don't you just hate it when people do that? Apologize for something they haven't done. Never mind, we're all guilty of it.

"But, surely your mother didn't want you to come here?"

It was a question that broke my thoughts and as I looked at Kim, I once again shrugged, "Mum kind of wanted me to be "normal". She didn't want to send me to a private school."

It wasn't a lie. The truth had nothing to do with the fact she wanted me to be a normal teenager, it was because she wanted the money to herself and with private schools costing thousands of pounds per term it was bound to blow the money eventually.

"But..."

I looked at her as she began, no doubt trying to protest against my explanation when I was saved by an unlikely source. Mrs Fisher! She came back into the room, a pile of papers in her hand as she looked at Kim and me.

"I wasn't interrupting anything was I?"

I smiled. _Yes!_

"No Miss, Kim ... I mean, Miss Campbell and I are old friends or rather she's an old friend of my parents."

Kim and I smiled at one another before she went outside to speak to Mrs Fisher and I was left alone. She was only outside for a few minutes before Mrs Fisher entered and I looked at her.

"I'm guessing that's for me?"

I asked as I nodded my head towards the pile of papers she was holding in her hands.

"Yes. Here's your timetable."

She said as she sat down behind the desk and I smiled before taking it and reading what lessons I'd have today. _Oh great! _I muttered under my breath as my eyes scanned today's lessons. Double maths, double English and finally double science! What a day! A day of torture.

"Do I really have to do this today?"

I said joking a little. She completely ignored me and placed a few other sheets on the desk,

"Could you just sign these please?"

I nodded my head and asked if I could borrow a pen. She must have thought I hadn't come to school prepared but I reassured her that I did have the correct equipment and she smiled warmly again. Looking at the line where I was to sign my name, I smiled and signed the papers.

_Matilda Jones._

But that wasn't my name. Not my birth name anyway..

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**a/n: **if you liked it enough to favourite, please leave a review.


	5. v

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 2:32pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter five;**

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_I bet you're dying to know who I am aren't you?_

I signed the correct documents before she told me a list of rules and finally, I was allowed to get off that seat. I don't know about you but after a while my arse tends to get numb. First lesson was maths, oh what a joy! Who enjoys algebra at nine o'clock in the morning and anyway, I never understood the importance of finding out where **x** was. We're not pirates.

I left Mrs Fisher's office and walked along the endless number of corridors attempting to find the room where maths was going to be held. I finally found it and I also found I would be standing outside alone. To those who walked past I was either a girl with no friends or a geek eager to begin her lesson and I certainly wasn't the latter.

Year ten, in my eyes the worst year to be in. The beginning of your GCSE's, the lectures, the work, the practice exams. Torture if you were to look up the definition in the dictionary. I knew I wasn't going to fit, I mean, me? A girl of my standard. I wasn't your typical fourteen year old. I was gifted at many subjects, two parents that were rich and...

Never mind. I should stop thinking I'm better than everyone else because I'm not. I'm the same as the people I go to school with_. That's the truth_! I bit my lower lip, my arms folded across my chest and I sighed deeply. How long until school actually began? I was thinking about going for a little walk when I heard somebody speak to me.

I looked around and spotted a blonde haired girl, roughly my age and my height - if anything she was an inch or two smaller than me.

"Are you the new girl?" She asked to which I replied with a nod of my head.

"I'm Sambuca." She introduced herself, "But just call me Sam."

With a smile I nodded my head and spoke gently, "Nice to meet you Sambuca. I'm Matilda; I'll leave the nickname to you."

"Nice to meet you two Matilda."

For a split second there was that awkward silence between the pair us, neither of us really knowing what to say to other.

"What school have you come from?"

"Oxford School for Girls, it's a posh school."

"I thought as much with the name."

I laughed softly slowly relaxing towards the friendly girl before me. I wondered whether she'd say something sarcastic about the fact I used to go to a girls school but she didn't say anything. Then again, she may have just been kind and not said anything to my face.

"How come you moved here? You don't have to answer if you don't want too."

I smiled before I began, "Oh. My parents divorced and my mother wanted a fresh start. She moved me here; she believed if she sent me to a comprehensive school I may be more normal. I wouldn't count on it." I laughed a little as I looked at Sambuca.

"So, who do you usually hang around with?"

I half expected a girl of her nature to at least be popular but when she said she was currently on her own, I suggested we could hang around together. She told me her "best friend" was been a complete bitch and I could understand, relate to your friend turning your back on you.

Especially when you need them most. A couple of minutes later, the corridors began to fill with students, the teacher opened the door and Sambuca and I walked into the lesson. Two hours later I emerged from the classroom with a couple of new friends including the school joker Finn Sharkey. First lesson over, bring on the rest of the day please. Surely it can only get better?

_I was wrong, my life was going to fall apart._

_._

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	6. vi

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 2:40pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter six;**

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I turned my phone back on at lunchtime. None of the friends I had met turned their phones off and despite being my own person; I decided to follow the crowd for once. It was more daring and exciting that way.I was sat next to Sambuca in Mr Mead's Chemistry lesson and I felt the vibration of my mobile and with a sigh I took it out of my pocket.

My eyes fell on a number that I didn't recognise but I answered it anyway and excused myself.

_And it was that phone call that would change my life forever._

It was the hospital! My mother was dead. They didn't tell me anymore, they just said to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I looked at my phone, tears streaming down my face before I opened the door to the lesson.

"Matilda are you okay?"

I heard Mr Mead say before I shook my head and without explaining just said I had to go. He let me and I picked up my stuff and left the classroom. As I closed the door, the last thing I saw were my friends sympathetic looks.

Walking down the corridor trying to get rid of my tears when I bumped into Mrs Fisher. She took one look at me and asked me what was wrong but I couldn't explain to her. I said I was sorry and I don't think I'd be back there but if I was, I'd explain then.

_But she wasn't going to let me go that easily._

"Miss, I have to go!" I said softly but she still wouldn't let me go. I _hated _her for that. She just wanted an explanation I could understand that but I wasn't ready to tell anyone the truth until I had at least said goodbye to her.

When she still wouldn't let me go, I lost my temper and I did something stupid. I slapped the headteacher on my first day. The minute I did it, I instantly regretted it and I just got the hell out of there. To get to the hospital I had to get on two buses. The first one usually took five minutes to get to town but it felt longer.

Bus journey's always do when you've got somewhere to be! Then from town I had to get the bus to take me to the hospital and that seemed to take forever two. Getting off the bus in the hospital grounds, I sighed deeply and wrapped my jacket around me. I was aware I looked a state but I didn't care. The one person I loved, despite all the shit and the arguments and everything else, she was dead. My mother was dead!

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**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	7. vii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 2:47pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter seven;**

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"Would you like five minutes alone?" I was asked. I nodded although secretly I thought it was dumb question. Of course I wanted five minutes alone with the woman that had raised me for fifteen years of my life.

She didn't look dead. She just looked like she was sleeping. She didn't look any different to the way she had been when she left this morning for work. I bent down and kissed her cheek, I felt the coldness of her skin against my lips.

"I love you mum."

I whispered gently as the dampness returned to my cheeks. I stood aside and watched the nurse cover my mother up for a final time. I was silent, my large hazel eyes just looking at the nurse before I was very brave and asked a question that I wasn't sure I wanted the answer two.

"How did she die?"

She mentioned something about spinal injuries as well as internal. She said it was no doubt the internal injuries my mother sustained in that car accident that resulted in her death. She may have appeared _well_ on the surface but the loss of blood would cause haemorrhagic shock which would eventually lead to death.

I nodded, bit my lower lip and I left. The small bag of my mother's possessions with me. Now, I had to return to that place. The place where I made the biggest mistake I had ever made in my whole life.

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I went back to school. _Bad idea!_ I walked through the main entrance when Jess Fisher marched up to me. I knew this was going to be a big kick off but for some reason, I actually wanted there to be one. I was in the mood for a fight.

"Oi! Who do you think you are slapping my mum?"

I looked her up and down. _Nothing but a slag_ I thought and I smirked before answering, "Who do you think you are?"

We were silent for a second or so, both just staring at the other before she slapped me across the face.

"Is that the best you've got?" I asked before I slapped her back and grabbed her hair. Now it really was going to be a cat fight. As we pulled each other's hair, the chants of _fight, fight, fight_ must have attracted the attention of several teachers and as I slammed Jess into the wall, we were broken up by Mr Mead and Mrs Fisher.

"The pair of you, my office now!"

Mrs Fisher bellowed and as I straightened myself out, I walked _slowly _towards Mrs Fisher's office. I wasn't partially looking forward to what she was going to say to me. I reckon after today's performance and the fight with her daughter, I knew I wouldn't be back at Waterloo Road tomorrow.

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**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	8. viii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 2:53pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter eight;**

.

"It's not been a very good day for you has it?" Mrs Fisher asked rhetorically - at least I hope it was as I made no reply. Would it be a good day for you if you slapped your headmistress, found out your mother was dead and finally, had a fight with another student - who happened to be Mrs Fisher's daughter?

"I know there's something wrong but until you tell me I can't help you." So it was going to be that way was it? The softy, softy approach. News flash darling, it isn't going to work! "I don't need your help!" I muttered before I looked at the desk avoiding eye contact. She knew I was lying, you could tell I was lying. I'm not a very good liar I must admit.

"Matilda, I know your-" She began before I interrupted; "I'm fine! Which part of I don't need your help don't you understand?"

"This morning after our little incident, where did you go?" It was a question that I didn't whether to answer truthfully. If I did tell her what the matter was, maybe she'd understand? Pfft, as if! Teachers never understand things like that!

I shrugged my shoulders and hesitated, "Out! Just out!" I eventually spoke before I ran a hand through my hair. We were silent for a couple of seconds before she asked me again where I had been. I decided to tell her the truth after all what was the worst that could happen?

"I went to the hospital."

I looked up from the desk and just looked at Mrs Fisher for a second before I looked back down at the desk. I could feel the lump in my throat, the lump that wouldn't disappear no matter how many times I swallowed.

"Sweetie, are you okay?"

I swallowed again but I couldn't reply. I stared at the desk for a while before I stood up, picked up the chair and threw it across the room.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed before I ran out the room, tears pouring down my cheeks like earlier. I couldn't turn to anyone; I guess I had to learn to deal with this pain myself. I ran to the girl's bathroom, made sure nobody was around and slid down the wall, holding my knees to my chest.

_Loneliness is one of the worst feelings in the world!_

_._

**a/n_: _**if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	9. ix

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 3:00pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter nine;**

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I stood in the bathroom staring at my _ugly_ reflection in the mirror when I clenched my fist and brought it crashing into the mirror. As the glass broke into thousands of tiny fragments, it represented how my heart was feeling at that very moment. _Broken beyond repair._

The pain of the glass cutting my skin was a release of the tension, the anger and the upset I felt inside. I think somebody must have heard the mirror breaking because the next thing I know some girl who must have been at least a year or two below me, was convincing me to go and get my hand seen to.

It didn't need too. It was fine. I was fine. Actually, I was more than fine, I was _fucking _marvellous. I sat inside the nurse's office as she banaged my hand, nothing said between us. I wouldn't have told her even if she asked. I took two paracetamol and left, the pain in my hand wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

"Matilda can I have a word?" It was a question I heard behind me and as I spin around, I came face to face with Kim Campbell.

"Depends what about." I answered but before she said anything else, she noticed the bandage on my hand.

"Matilda what's happened to your hand?" She asked.

Rolling my eyes, I sighed before I replied, "Nothing! Now what did you want to speak to me about?"

"Don't take that-" She began but I interrupted, "_Tone with me." _I mimicked with a smirk before I began to walk off again.

"Matilda!" I heard her shout but I didn't reply. I didn't reply because I knew I'd say something stupid, something that I knew would only upset us both.

.

I knocked on the office door and waited for an answer. Hearing her say _come in_, I walked in and chewed my lower lip.

"Miss, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I know there's something wrong with you."

I sighed. _Maybe_ it wouldn't hurt if I told her the truth. She gestured me to sit down so I did and she sat down beside me.

"This morning, when...when I hit you." I began, "I..I never meant too."

She nodded. I'm grateful she understood that, "I was upset because..."

There was a silence before Mrs Fisher said gently, "Because of what?"

Silently tears rolled down my cheeks before I whispered, "My mum's dead."

.

**a/n:** if you liked it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	10. x

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 3:22pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter ten;**

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There was a silence between us. I think even Mrs Fisher was lost for words. She didn't say anything for a couple of seconds; she just picked up the box of tissues and held them out towards me.

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry." She eventually said before she pulled me into a hug. I couldn't stop crying then, I think I realised that that my mother was never going to be there anymore. It was like a bad dream but it wasn't. It was reality!

"Don't . . be . . sorry." I sobbed as I broke away from the hug and wiped away my tears, "You . . didn't . . kill . . her."

"What are you going to do now?"

It was a question I hadn't given thought over. What was I going to do now? I suppose my father was going to get custody of me which meant moving back to London. Back to the place I both loved and hated so much.

"Live with dad I suppose." I answered with a soft smile. She noticed I didn't look to happy about the prospect.

"I know it's none of my business but . ."

"You want to know the reason why I don't look too pleased about living with my father?"

She nodded and I laughed softly, running my hand through my hair. I didn't know how to reply.

"It's a long story." I said, "I'm not very close to my father. I never have been."

She nodded again before there was a silence between us. I stared at my lap messing with the tissue in my hand. At this point I had stopped crying but I still felt like shit inside. Now my life was going to get fifty times worse.

_Especially when my father turns up!_

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**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	11. xi

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 3:27pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter eleven;**

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He grabbed my arm pulling me towards the car, me screaming and crying in protest.

"I'm not going back to that shit hole."

I screamed. _Slap!_ The side of my face was beginning to sting a little.

"Just get in the fucking car!"

I didn't want too. I didn't want to go back to that place. I knew what was going to happen. _It always happened!_

"Dad, no please."

He threw me against the car, put his hands around my throat and began to squeeze the life out of me. I struggled, I choked and I could feel the life been drained from me. It was like I was slipping away from my own body. Eventually, he moved his hands away from my neck.

My father was a dangerous man, so dangerous I knew he could kill me. He was a well-known gangster from London, wasn't afraid to kill anyone who got in the way. I wanted to tell him I didn't want to go back to London. That place held so many terrible memories. Rochdale was my chance to make a fresh start.

"Dad . . . I don't want to go back to London."

As I told him, my heart was beginning to beat faster. He looked at me, his eyes cold and emotionless and the moment he lunged at me, I caught sight of the blade he held in his hand. I screamed and then everything went black.

.

When I came round from my beating, I was lying in a pile of my own vomit. Standing up, I stumbled to the bathroom before I threw again. Bruises covered my arms, my clothes were torn and it was then when I caught sight of the new word my father had carved into my stomach.

I was nothing but a slut. A heartless slut or as my father had put it, a heartless whore. Three words he'd carved into my skin, no wonder I was in agony. I have to admit, I should be fairly used to been carved, my father's been doing it to me for years.

_Ever since I was a little girl_. I ran the shower, got in and as the water droplets hit my body, the tears began to flow. I was fifteen, been tortured by somebody who should love me and occasionally been raped by the same man. People don't realise how messed up I really am.

Getting out of the shower, I wrapped the towel around me and walked into my bedroom. I put on a pair of jeans, a plain white tee-shirt and my grey hoodie before I took a bag out of my wardrobe and hurriedly began to pack some of my clothes.

_I had to get away from there._

I had to leave a couple of things behind but I made sure I had the important stuff like my purse, my clothes and my teddy. Without those three, I'd be lost. I turned my phone off, left it on the bed and took a deep breath before I walked downstairs.

My father wasn't in so I picked up the keys, unlocked the front door and stepped out into the coldness. Shivering, I put down my bag, locked the door and threw the keys across the garden. I was nearly ready to go; I just had one last job to do.

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**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	12. xii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 3:37pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter twelve;**

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I got to town and used the cash point. I was clever, I knew that if I kept using my credit card the police would track me down and then I'd be eventually forced back to my father. I didn't have a lot of money in my bank account, just over a grand so I withdrew the lot.

I lied about my age to obtain my money. I said I was eighteen; I had the ID to prove it. Sometimes it wasn't so bad having your father as a criminal, at least you could make fake ID. It wasn't a long walk to the station, twenty minutes I think depending on how fast or slow you walk of course.

It was twenty past eight when I arrived at the station, I took out my credit card, smiled and snapped it in half and then snapped it again before I threw it in the bin on the platform. I didn't even know when the train was, it was a case of just waiting. I knew where I wanted to go.

_I wanted to go to Manchester and then from Manchester to Rochdale_.

.

I have to admit waiting for the train was the longest wait I've ever experienced. I sat in the small cafe on the other platform, ordered a hot chocolate and sat down inside. I wrapped my hands around the cup, the heat warming up my hands and I smiled softly.

It was _fucking _freezing outside. Why was it this cold? It was only September; surely it could be warmer right? Lifting the cup up, I took a small sip before I put it back down on the table and glanced around me. There were a few other people at the station, mainly business people who travelled to and from work every single day.

I couldn't relax though. No matter how hard I tried. There was a fear of either my father finding me here or I was going to miss the train. Fortunately, neither of them happened. I stood up about to go to the bathroom when I heard over the crackle of the tannoy. _The 20:58 train to Manchester will be arriving shortly at Platform 2._

I sighed in relief and quickly went to the toilet for a much needed wee before returning and heading back to the platform I was on earlier. Standing there, I could still feel the chills of fear down my back, I still thought my father was going to get me but as the train got nearer, I knew that wasn't possible.

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**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review.


	13. xiii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 3:43pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter thirteen;**

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Was I happy to get out of London? What do you think? As the train came to a standstill, I pressed the open button and stepped onto the train. It was quite packed considering the time and I ended up moving to and from the carriages attempting to find somewhere to sit.

I found a seat in the far end of the train and I sat down. I had a while until I arrived at Manchester - roughly two and a half hours. I hadn't planned it very well did I? I mean, it was nearly nine o clock now and if it was a two and a half hour journey which means I wouldn't arrive into Manchester until eleven thirty.

Sighing again, I looked down of the window for half an hour or so before I decided to read the newspaper over someones shoulder. Apparently, Lily Allen has suffered a miscarriage. How terrible! A miscarriage hurts no matter how far gone you are but to be six months pregnant then miscarry. It really is terrible! I really feel for her.

There was a girl that wasn't much older than me - or so she seemed and she was sat on the train, a sleeping child in her arms. It appeared as though she was crying so I stood up, picked up my bag and walked towards the girl.

"Excuse me?" I asked gently and as she looked up at me, I could tell she had been crying. Mascara rolled down her cheeks and she had a pack of tissues on the table but they were empty. Sitting down opposite, I took a tissue from my pocket and handed it towards the girl.

"Thank you." She whispered gently and wiped away the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. The girl she held in her arms was still sleeping, her small chest raising and falling. She was possibly one or two but not any older. "I couldn't help but notice you were crying."

The young girl smiled a little and shrugged, "It's nothing, I'm okay but thank you."

I wasn't convinced. I knew there was something wrong and I was going to find out, whether she told me or not.

"I'm Matilda by the way."

"Poppy, I'm Poppy; it's a pleasure to meet you."

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	14. xiv

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 3:48pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter fourteen_;_**

.

"It's a pleasure to meet you two." I said gently as I fiddled with my fingers on the table, my eyes still upon the young girl, "So where are you going?"

She hesitated for a moment probably unsure of what my intentions were, "Manchester." She whispered, nervously glancing around the carriage. I smiled a little and nodded my head and told her I was going there two, "You've ran away from home haven't you?"

It didn't take her long to reply, "Is it really that obvious?"

"Just a little bit." I answered with a small smile, "How come you've decided to go to Manchester?"

Poppy shrugged her shoulders before she sighed deeply and replied, "My biological mother lives up there."

It was only when I looked at her that I noticed how alike we actually were. Not only were we both running from our lives to Manchester but she looked very much like me. We both had brown eyes, brown hair and the same facial features.

"Oh right." I said gently before I continued, "Where are you going to stay when we get to Manchester?"

I hoped she had a place sorted but then again, if you were running away you wouldn't would you? She shrugged her shoulders and said she hadn't left the house with any money so she couldn't stay anywhere. She told me she was probably going to kip in a bus shelter.

For a second, I bit my lower lip, opened my bag and took out a handful of ten, twenty and fifty pound notes. I slid them across the table towards her and told her not to worry about the money, it was all legit and to keep it and find a B&B somewhere.

She thanked me for been generous and counted up the money. With a smile she put it in her pocket before she asked,

"Do you think that'll be enough to get to Rochdale?"

I thought I misheard her so I said, "Rochdale? Did you just say Rochdale?"

She nodded her head and with a frown asked, "Why do you ask?"

I laughed gently before I told her that I had originally lived there with my mother but then she died in a car accident and I moved to London with my father but I was hoping to escape and that's why I ran away, back to Rochdale because I loved it there.

"Who've you got in Rochdale, your biological mother?"

She nodded her head again, "Yes. She teaches at Waterloo Road Comprehensive. Do you know it?"

I laughed, "Of course I know it, it's the school I go two. So, who's your mother?"

But before she could tell me, the train broke down. Bloody typical!

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	15. xv

_[edited Match 17, 2011 - 3:52pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter fifteen;**

.

We had a choice. To sit in a field waiting for our replacement train or find alternative transport. I opted for the latter and Poppy agreed two. I was carrying both mine and Poppy's bag and she was carrying her daughter in her arms and we walked for miles having no ideas where we were going.

I guess we were just trying to find somewhere, anywhere to stay and eventually we did. We got to a city about five miles from where the train had broken down and found a B&B. Now we just hoped it wasn't full up. I dumped both bags down on the doorstep and rang the doorbell.

As I waited for an answer, I bit my lower lip and as I saw the shadow of someone behind the glass panels, I took a deep breath. The door opened and stood before me was a middle-aged woman. She told us that she was full for the evening but she did say there was one near the train station.

I thanked her, picked up the bags and once again Poppy and I went on our way. It was getting colder and I was worried about Poppy's daughter. What if the cold became too much for her? We - or rather I decided we may as well sleep in the train station.

I pulled out the blankets I packed, put one on the seat and as Poppy settled her daughter down, and I put the other blanket over her. I threw one to Poppy and we both sat either side of the young girl, the pair of us knowing we wouldn't sleep this evening.

"I never asked what your daughter was called."

"She's called Kim. I named her after my mother."

_And now I knew who her mother was but it wasn't that simple._

_._

**a/n: **if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	16. xvi

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 3:57pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter sixteen;**

.

You see roughly thirteen months ago I stumbled upon my birth certificate and found out that Matilda wasn't my name and my "parents" weren't my biological parents. I was no doubt adopted but I have no idea when I was.

My parents and I had a huge argument about it. She told me the name of my biological mother, someone I already knew but I didn't believe it. Would you have? I thought she was lying but now, thirteen months later, I knew she was telling the truth.

_You see, Kim Campbell is my biological mother which means Poppy is my half-sister._

Pulling this blanket over me as my eyes fell upon the young girl we were guarding for the night; I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt in my heart. After all, I was her auntie, I could at least protect her but like her mother, I was useless. I eventually fell asleep.

.

"Poppy.." I said gently as I nudged awake the girl next to me, "Psst, Poppy."

The brunette stirred, opened her eyes and looked at me as though she had never seen me before.

"It's eight o'clock; I'm thinking if we get the train to Manchester, perhaps we could go shopping?"

She nodded before she looked at her daughter Kim who was sat beside her, the pink dummy in her mouth.

"Sure it sounds like a plan." She admitted before standing up and folding up the blankets and handing them back to me.

I packed the bag again before we - Poppy, Kim and I - walked towards the ticket office.

"I feel awful that you've got to keep paying for us." Poppy said gently before I shook my head. I told her not to worry, she was friend and friends look out for one another. I had enough money here to save me a couple of months.

Asking for two children to Manchester the woman behind the counter kept staring at us and I chewed my bottom lip feeling a bit, I don't know, worried. She didn't say anything, gave us our tickets then our change and we went on the platform.

"Poppy, I've got something to tell you."

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	17. xvii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 4:10pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter seventeen;**

.

She turned to me, a soft smile upon her face and asked, "Sure, what is it?

I bit my lower lip as I looked down at the ground and said gently, "Look, don't hate me but, do you think its the right idea to runaway from home?"

"Your doing the same as me..."

"I know but I've thought about this for ages. It's clear you haven't."

There was that awkward silence between the pair of us before she sighed and replied,

"I can't go back if that's what your thinking. My step-mum would kill me, she's a right bitch."

"I know you can't but can you really look after yourself and Kim?" I asked, I didn't wait for her answer, "What if your mother doesn't want anything to do with you?"

"I haven't thought about that.."

"I noticed." I replied with a sigh. Both our lives were a tangled mess and it was only going to get messier.

.

It had just gone mid-day when they arrived in Manchester. "I don't know about you but I'm starving."

I had to laugh. She looked around the trains station, a tight grip on Kim and then said, "KFC? It's my favourite."

"Snap, mine two." I spoke with a smile as we made our way in the direction of KFC.

We both had a fully loaded meal with corn on the cob for a side order. I'm suprised she didn't even realize how similar we were.

"We're like twins." She spoke with a smile and I nodded.

"Yeah by the way, whens your birthday?"

She gave me a curious look before she told me.

_25th March 1995._

The date was the same as mine which could only mean one thing.

We were twins! But I don't remember her.

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	18. xviii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 4:16pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter eighteen;**

.

"Has your name always been Poppy?" I asked to which she gave me a curious look.

"I think so..no, oh I don't know." She replied, "I'm guessing yours isn't Matilda."

I nodded, "I was born Annabelle, my mother used to call me Annie."

There was a lingering silence between us both before I asked,

"Have you ever seen birth certificate?"

She shook her head, "No. Never, I don't want too."

I could understand that, couldn't you? I had never seen my birth certificate before until that one afternoon, when I opened the bottom draw of the cabinet. I can't even remember what I was doing there and now I wish I hadn't opened the draw because the contents changed my life. _Forever!_

Do you know how heartbroken you feel when you find out that the people you called Mum and Dad weren't your parents and were simply strangers? I'm glad Poppy hasn't felt that pain because it's the kind of pain that never goes away.

"Do you have any siblings? Biological siblings I mean?"

I asked not sure whether she was getting sick to death of me constantly asking questions. She shrugged her shoulders before she replied; "Not that I'm aware."

By the sounds of it she was like me. Lost about who we really were. Maybe together we'd be able to find our true identities. Hopefully. I knew I had to tell her, I was.

"Poppy?"

She'd just finished giving a chip to her daughter and as she turned to look at me, I took a deep breath bracing myself for her reaction. Looking down at the table I let the silence between us grow until I spoke; "Poppy, I think we're twins."

She didn't say anything. She just told me she couldn't deal with this right now. She picked up Kim and her bag and walked out of KFC, out of my life. I could understand her reaction completely. It was a lot to take in. The person you had met by chance was your twin sister? I may be wrong, she might not be, she may just share the same birthday as me. Maybe I had gotten it wrong.

_._

**a/n: **if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review.


	19. xix

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 4:22pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter nineteen;**

.

I didn't feel like eating after that. I stood up from my seat, picked up my bag and my drink and then began to walk towards the platform. The train was in I got on, found a table to myself and sat down. I thought about Poppy during the whole journey to Rochdale, wondering if her and Kim were okay. I hope they weren't spending my money too much.

_Next Stop Rochdale._

I was grateful to be honest, I just wanted to get there and sort myself out. There was so many things to get organised like where I was going to live and how I was going to pay the rent. I hadn't really thought my plan through had I but to be fair, I didn't have chance otherwise, my father would have known what I was planning.

I got into Rochdale for about three that afternoon and decided to go and visit the council afterall, they were the best people to ask about housing. What a waste of time that was! Due to my age they told me I'd have to go into foster care.

I told them they were having a laugh, there was no way on this earth that I was living in a care home with some other messed up souls. I'd rather be on the streets.  
That's how much I hated a place like that.

I found an alley nearby and sat up home for the evening. Little did I realize that this little spot among the users, the dealers and the other homeless children was going  
to be my home for the next few weeks.

When I went to school none of the others were any wiser to what was happening, they didn't realise I was homeless. Of course they were curious to where I had been for the past few days and I told them the truth.

I told them that my mother had died and I had gone to London for a few days to live with dad and now I was back here. They stopped asking me after a week or two no doubt they had found something else to gossip about.

Sambuca was still my friend, my only friend and the only one who knew the truth. I told her I was living on the streets and she told me I was stupid, didn't I realise that the streets were unsafe? I brushed off her concerns saying I'd be fine but tomorrow, my third night on the streets was going to prove that.

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	20. xx

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 4:42pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter twenty;**

.

My back was against the wall, smeared makeup down my face and I could feel his breath on my neck. He'd been thrusting inside me for a while and I couldn't wait for him to be done. Putting his hand on my throat, he asked me whether I was enjoying it and lying, I nodded my head.

When he finished he zipped up his flies and walked away like nothing had happened and I searched around for my underwear. Once I found it, I put it on and went to bed in the corner of the alley. There I brought my knees to my chest and cried.

That was my first night of terror and it was only going to get worse. The second night was different. He didn't just rape me, instead he began torturing me. He pressed a seven inch kitchen knife into my throat, the coldness of the blade sending shivers down my spine.

He smirked before bringing the knife to my cheek, pressed it into my skin and cut me. To cure his boredom he began cutting various parts of my body and when he got to my stomach he was shocked to see the previous words my father had carved into my stomach.

"Already looks like you're somebody's bitch ey?" He asked and I nodded. I was indeed somebody else's bitch, I belonged to my father. As he pressed the knife into my wounds, I closed my eyes tightly unable to stop the tears rolling down my cheeks.

He re-carved the words my father wrote and as he put the knife behind the dustbin he told me I may leave. I got the hell out of there before he tortured me again!

.

It was break time when I went up to the art room, shaking with nerves and as I knocked on the door I felt physically sick.

"Miss, I need to talk to you."

"Sure what can I do for you?"

I was silent for a moment, my eyes glancing around the classroom.

"I think you know why I'm here."

I expected her to deny all knowledge of my real reason for being in that classroom but she didn't.

"So you know?"

She asked and I had no choice but to nod.

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	21. xxi

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 4:48pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter twenty-one;**

.

"I know you're my mother. I don't want any excuses." I warned, "Just tell me the truth and perhaps I won't hate you as much as I do."

She gestured me to sit down but I shook my head. I didn't want to sit down!

"What do you want to know?"

There were so many questions I wanted answers too. So many questions that I knew I'd never get the answers too and I responded,

"Try beginning with why you gave me and my sister away?"

"I never meant two!" She began but I interrupted, "Everyone has a choice!"

We were silent for the next couple of minutes before I began,

"You gave us away why? Because you couldn't deal with us? Or because you killed our father!"

"By the sounds of things, you already know."

I laughed, "At least you're not lying to me!"

I could see the emotion in her eyes and it struck my heart a little but I told myself that this woman wasn't there for me when I needed her the most. I sat down on the stool and fiddled with my fingers before Kim began to speak,

"It was either him or me. One of us was going to die and I had you and your sister to think about."

"So you killed him in cold blood?"

"It was self-defence..."

"You're a lying cow!" I screamed as I walked out of the classroom, "I read the newspaper; I know it was cold blood."

.

I shouldn't have called her a lying cow should I? Lets be honest, if she hadn't have killed him; he'd probably have killed her. When I left the classroom, I went for a walk. I really didn't know what to do. What did I do?

I had a choice. I could either hate her forever or put the past where it belonged and try and get to know my birth mother. I turned around and walked back to the classroom. When I got to the door, I bit my lower lip and walked in.

"I'm sorry." I began, "I don't hate you."

"I wouldn't blame you if you did."

We were silent for a moment before she asked,

"Can I explain?"

I nodded. Sure she could tell me everything. It was better for me to know right?

"I killed your father and I had no choice but to live with the consequences. If I didn't kill him I have no doubt he would have killed me. I was protecting you and your sister. I was arrested for murder and you and Isabelle, you were put into care. Your mother .. adoptive mother was my lawyer, they adopted you because they knew it would be best thing for both of us. They promised me that  
when you were old enough to understand they'd tell you. They obviously broke that promise."

I bit my lower lip before nodding,

"I stumbled upon my birth certificate thirteen months ago. Do you know how hurt I was to discover that the people that I called mum and dad were strangers to me?"

"I couldn't imagine how it felt."

"To say I was hurt was an understatement. I wanted to know who my mother was. I went to the library like any normal person would, obtained newspapers from when I was younger and found out about dad's death."

I paused before I continued,

"I wasn't emotionally ready for it. Everything I had found out in a matter of weeks depressed me and as a result, I tried killing myself. I took a blade to my wrists, I guess for a split second, I wanted to die."

Before I even realised it tears were rolling down my cheeks. Kim sighed before she pulled me into a hug and I cried in her shoulder.

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry."

But it wasn't her fault. It was my own. I wasn't emotionally ready to find out about my past and when it got too much, I attempted to take the "cowards" way out.

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	22. xxii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 5:01pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter twenty-two;**

.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that everyone who's had a successful suicide attempt is a coward but that's the stigma attached to it. Kim had a free period next so she said we could talk. I wasn't going to say no was I? Especially since I had maths next. She asked me the usual things like what my favourite food was, my favourite colour etc. I told her Chinese food was the best food ever and baby blue was my favourite colour. I asked her the same and we were quite similar to be honest.

About twenty minutes into our chat Mrs Fisher knocked on the door saying she wanted a private word with Kim. I smiled softly before I watched them leave the classroom. If only they knew I could lip read? Karen said there was a visitor downstairs for her and I knew who it was. I knew it was Poppy.

"Sorry Matilda someone's asked to see me. You can stay here if you like but I'm not too sure how long I'll be."

I nodded, "I think I might know who it is."

"Who Matilda?"

I bit my lower lip before I replied, "It's Poppy." Of course she wouldn't know who Poppy was would she? "It's Isabelle I think."

"How did you find her?" She asked as she sat back down. I think she would've passed out otherwise.

"It was a coincidence." I began, "We both happened to be on the same train."

"You talk to strangers?"

"I try not two." I smirked before I replied, "I told her that we could be twins and she left. I haven't seen her since."

There was a silence between us. I think she was trying to get to grips with the fact she found both of her daughters in one day.

"I'll wait here okay?

"You best had do Matilda. I hear you're quite a rebel."

"Rebel, me? Never!" I laughed softly as she walked out of the door. I put my head on the desk and closed my eyes.

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	23. xxiii

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 5:27pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter twenty-three;  
**Kim Campbell.

.

The day I killed my children's father and the day they were taken into care was the day my heart stopped beating. I didn't think that I'd ever see them again, I had just got over the fact I may never see my little girls again until I bumped into Matilda/Annabelle in Karen's office a few weeks ago.

I knew who she was. I mean, you don't go forgetting your children do you? I've always wanted a relationship with them, always told myself that when they are eighteen I'd try and contact them. Give them the choice of wanting to know me and understand what we all went through when they were younger.

The moment Matilda/Annabelle stepped into the classroom at break; I knew instinctively what she was there for. I knew she had discovered that I was her biological mother. We spoke about everything or rather, everything that possible to speak about at the time.

When we just got into the conversation, the awkwardness no longer there, Karen knocked on the door. When she told me that someone was at reception asking for me, I didn't have a clue that this person was. Matilda/Annabelle did. She knew it was Poppy/Isabelle.

I went to reception, a huge knot in my stomach. It was weird you know. I never once expected to see both my girls but to see them both in one day? Now that was some miracle! The moment I walked through those doors, I looked at the young girl and another young girl beside her. I didn't realise I was a grandma.

"Are you Kim?" She asked and I nodded, "I'm Poppy, I'm your daughter."

Again I nodded. I knew that by just looking at the girl. She had her father's eyes.

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	24. xxiv

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 5:31pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter twenty-four;**  
Poppy Lawson/Campbell

.

After Matilda dropped the bombshell that we were twins I walked around Manchester for a while, I wasn't sure what I was doing. I realised that I had nowhere to stay so I found a youth hostel nearby. It wasn't anything fantastic, a little room with a bed. Kim and I shared it. It was the least we could do.

I knew she was telling the truth. Just look at us, we were both identical or near enough and liked the same things. I knew I had to find her again but after that I didn't know where to begin. I guess you could say I was lost. I decided just to go to Rochdale. She said she was from there!

Sitting on those uncomfortable plastic chairs waiting for her to see me, felt like forever. Kim, my daughter sat beside me, her hand in mine. I found it daunting being there. Students passed me, gorping at me like I was some caged animal at the zoo.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the figure of the woman I thought was my mother, walked towards me. I asked if she was Kim and when she nodded, I told her I was Poppy, I was her daughter. She nodded again and I knew this woman was my biological mother. She took Kim and me upstairs to a room and as she opened the door, I noticed Matilda inside. I smiled, I found her. I found them both!

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.


	25. xxv

_[edited on March 17, 2011 - 5:38pm for typos and formatting]_

**chapter twenty-five;  
**Matilda Jones/Campbell

.

When Kim left the room for the second time, I knew that Poppy was downstairs. Don't ask me how I knew, I just did! I yawned a little, rested my head upon the desk and closed my eyes. Like anything, I didn't know how long they'd be.

I didn't fall asleep although I wish I had done. I was completely shattered. Living on the streets was hard. Especially with the sex, the drugs and the violence keeping you awake at night. I knew I couldn't spend another second, another minute on the streets but where else could I go?

When the door creaked I looked up and there, in the doorway was Matilda, little Kim and big Kim. A tiny tear drop rolled down my cheek as I stood up, ran up to them and threw my arms around them. One happy ending, just the way everyone wanted it.

But life was never straight forward..

.

**a/n:** if you like it enough to favourite, please leave a review with it.  
this is the last chapter but there is a sequel which is told from poppy's point of view.


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